miss her ~~

11.53 pm....
honestly ..i really miss her...
even though i had try my best to make myself busy but still i can't forget today is her birthday ...
a present that i already prepare since early of this year...
but ..i can't give her...
what to do ??

these day ..i feel very down ....
too many things happened around me..
and some of it i really cant solve it...
b4 this u r the one who always help me solve problem...
doing all the crazy stuff...
and chit chat and do anything we like just like nobody is looking at us...

everything had change now....
and i knew that i need to accept all of this..
but since today is a really special day..
please let me behave like this for one day...

miss you so much .......

about Hu3y^P|nG

look at me
you may think you see
who i really am
but you’ll never know me
every day
it’s as if i play a part
now i see
if i wear a mask
i can fool the world
but i cannot fool my heart
who is that girl i see
staring straight at back at me?
when will my reflection show
who i am inside?
i am now
in a world where i have to hide my heart
and what i believe in
but somehow
i will show the world what’s inside my heart
and be loved for who i am
who is that girl i see
staring straight back at me?
why is my reflection
someone i don’t know?
must i pretend i am
someone else for all time?
when will my reflection show
who i am inside?
there’s a heart that must be free to fly
that burns with a need to know the reason why
why must we all conceal
what we think?
how we feel?
must there be a secret me
i am forced to hide?
i won’t pretend that i am
someone else
for all time
when will my reflection show
who i am inside?
when will my reflection show
who i am inside?

1/9/2009 ,我不喜欢今天！！

从来， 我就不认为我是个脆弱的人， 就算我从小就寄住在外婆家直到三年级才跟父母一起住，就算我不是在父母的呵护下成长，就算我几个月才能见到父母几次，我也不觉得我的童年会比其他同龄的小孩缺少了什么。虽然，我和父母的感情可能会比较生疏，但我很高兴我能自由自在的和一班小瓜们在傍晚时一起骑脚踏车，跳绳，玩躲猫猫，和父亲还有姐姐一起玩老鹰捉小鸡。。

可是，最近我发现我自己越来越消沉了。。。越来越不开心了。。。我在大学里，整天和朋友嘻嘻哈哈，讨论功课，做assignment，sing k 。。。但是。。 很遗憾的。。有时我会想我到底是不是真的很开心。。。又或许那只是我装出来的假象。。。感觉像是戴着面具。。。好虚伪！！！

有朋友说过我很坚强。。但。。我真的坚强吗？？
韵姿的过世。。我以为我已经忘记了。。。但。。其实我根本忘不了。。。
有时，半夜睡不着时，我还是会重看那片最珍藏的cd。。。。那片cd并不是什么电影，“它” 是韵姿亲手做给我的一些短片。。17 岁的生日礼物。。有时，更会傻傻的跑去拿她送过给我的贺卡来看。。我敢保证那些贺卡是我收过的贺卡当中最特别的。。。。虽然里面写的东西，真的很欠打。。。不过我再也找不到第二张了。。。

今天，我知道了一件事情。。今天早上，我就收到了一封短讯。。。写着我以前一起做工的一个同事过世了。。这次，，，很显然的。。。我很努力的控制了自己的情绪。。。还记得。。七个月前当我知道韵姿的事时，我很懦弱的躲进了洗手间，也不知哭了多久，也不知呆了多久。。。这一次。。。我竟然很平静的坐在一旁跟朋友嘻嘻哈哈。。。大考的成绩也在今天出了。。。
很老实得说。。成绩不是很理想。。。但。我竟然还能在msn 跟朋友们嘻嘻哈哈。。。也不知道是真的没事。。还是伤心过度。。。或是已经习惯了无论在什么情况。。什么情景下都笑了。。。

2009 年。。
我竟然失去了一个最好的朋友和一个教了我很多东西的长辈。。。。
如果这不是事实，那该有多好。。。。

这应该就是所谓的过度期吧。。。。
一个需要忍过去，撑过去，在难过也要度过的时期。。。

冰块，，，加油！！

Susan Boyle - i dreamed a dream

I Dreamed a Dream

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.


我从来都不会想去听的一首歌。。。
如果不是因为在YOUTUBE 看到Susan Boyle的video...
真感人的video。。。。


在她还没开始唱歌时
在台下的观众和评审都不大看好她。。
尤其是当她的愿望是要成为一位职业歌手时。。。


没想到。。
她唱的很棒哦~~


虽然。。
在开始时。。
大家都不看好她。。
甚至嘲笑她。。。
但她最后以她的实力成为了胜利者。。


有时。。
在做事时。。
是不是也应该不要太过在乎表面上的东西。。
而更应该更深入的去探讨内在呢？？
最最重要的是。。。
每个人都有自己的强项。。。
可别因为某个原因而轻视别人。。
换个角度。。
既然同样是人类。。。
我们又有什么资格去看不起别人？？

* Memories *

Leave one memory (as a comment) that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot or you didn't like me. It doesn't matter how long or short or retarded or happy or emo the memory is. After you're done leaving your memory, answer this.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How do you feel about me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to post this in your notes and see what I say about you?
15. What is my best quality?

Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty cool (and funny) to see the responses. Re-post as "MEMORIES."

永远的知己-韵姿

刚刚从韵姿的丧礼回来，我现在的心情，很明显的还是很低落。。。


我一直都很努力的在控制着自己的情绪。。。


可是，当我刚才一看到韵姿时，我真的再也无法控制了。。。


我只能说。。我完全崩溃。。就在的西北方的位置。。


我真的完全接受不到。。。


虽然，我在十二月中时。。。知道她生病了。。。


可是。。她并没有把真正病因告诉我们。。。


我上个星期才跟她通电话。。没想到。。那竟然变成了我跟她的最后一通电话。。


昨天，没有去到医院看她。。实在是令我很遗憾。。。





当一接到她过世的消息。。。我根本就不相信。。。


还马上打电话跟她的男朋友确认。。。


一直在强忍着的我。。。


竟然。。。在大学时完全崩溃。。。


冲进洗手间痛哭。。。


从昨天一直到今天早上。。。


吓坏了几个大学朋友。。。。


可能是因为在大学崩溃了两次。。


所以刚才在丧礼时。。还可以在短时间内控制自己的情绪。。。





很明显的，这件事真的太突然了。。。


我真的很伤心。。。


可是。。我还是装着没事的跟几个好朋友说我没事。。。


我要谢谢他们的关心。。。


只不过。。韵姿是我中学时期，女生朋友之中最好的朋友。。。


我真的需要一点店的时间来处理我的情绪。。。


永远都会记得的日期。。。


一九八八年十二月十九日。。。。我讨厌今天！！


二零零九年二月五日。。。下午两点十五分。。





*韵姿，知己这两个字，是你在我十五岁生日卡上所写的。。。。。


“何谓知己？知己就是比朋友更高一级的白痴！最不幸的是他们明知被利用也不能反抗。可是比“ 最不幸”更不幸的是你的知己竟是我！”

我一直都很庆幸认识你。。。虽然我承认有时真的被你气死！！

因为你的关系。。。我的中学生涯几乎多姿多彩。。。

我只能用四个字来形容你 “ 又爱又恨 ”

我衷心感谢你一直以来给与的鼓励以及帮助！！

希望你在另一个世界每天都开开心心。。。


永远的知己！！